Hollywood Magic Is Dead

A few years ago, while sitting in front of the television with a friend, this trailer for the then new, Kangaroo Jack, prompted me to turn to her and say, "That's it. Hollywood has officially run out of ideas." Little did I know then that I was well off the mark.

At least a movie like Kangaroo Jack had an element of originality to it. Full disclosure, I have never actually watched it, but I think that it's safe to say that before this movie was made, no one had ever filmed a movie that involved a kangaroo making off with a large amount of money in the protagonist's jacket. I could be wrong, but if I am, it hardly defeats my point. Nothing quite like this full scale epic of stupidity had ever been filmed before. For that reason alone, I have to retract my statement regarding Hollywood's lack of ideas, because Hollywood actually ran out of ideas when it collectively decided to remake or "re-imagine" just about every fun bit of my parents', as well as my own childhood and ruin it forever. Kangaroo Jack had nothing to do with it after all.

This isn't a whine based on some nostalgic part of me that has puppies every time someone shits on my childhood. I think that if the remakes of The Stepford Wives, Bewitched, The Beverly Hillbillies, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Karate Kid, etc, etc... had actually added something to the existing legacy of these movie and television classics, I wouldn't have a problem, even if I still thought that Hollywood was short on original ideas. The problem is that they don't. Their idea of updating is either completely raping the existing franchise by attempting to modernize it and turn it into something that it was never meant to be. When it isn't that, it's just a pointless exercise, and in my opinion, a waste of money no matter how much it pulls in at the box office.

The Stepford Wives is a classic example. The original movie was a a horror film that also had something to say about gender conflict and modern suburban life. There is no reason that it could not have been updated in the same vein as the original. It could have been done, and it could have been made to work while retaining all the creepiness of the original. Instead, we got a poor attempt at dark comedy that felt hollow, for it had nothing to say other than, "Look! Here's Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick, Glenn Close and is that Faith Hill??? All in a movie together!" Never mind that they were sleepwalking through it and most people involved with the project famously came away disappointed with the whole thing. There were plot holes in this mess that you could have driven a semi through. Yet, all they had to do was stick to the original and it might have worked.

Of course, sticking to the original isn't always a great idea either, because some films simply do not need to be remade. The Omen was an amazing film when it came out and has remained timeless. Yet that got a remake too. I have nothing against Julia Stiles, but she will never be the actress that Lee Remick was. Nor can you expect anyone to step into Gregory Peck's shoes and pretend that there is even a comparison. It wasn't broken. Why fix it?

So what's wrong, Hollywood? There are a lot of writers out there that have a lot of great ideas. There are a lot of great books out there that deserve a screenplay, and not all of them are so well known that adapting them for film would draw the wrath of fanboys in the blogosphere, though that's free publicity so well known is fine too! There are so many possibilities that it boggles the mind. Yet, we continue to get remakes because if they pulled in millions the first time around, in their minds, it stands to reason that the remake will have the same impact. Never mind that it rarely works out that way.

I would like to think that Hollywood can do better, but I fear that the magic is gone.