MSN: Where Almonds Are the Only Constant

I suppose I began to read MSN (UK version here) at around the time that I created my first dummy Hotmail address. I don't remember ever actually seeking this site out, or having anyone say, "Hey, Beagle, there are some great articles and hard hitting news here..." Yet somehow, over the years, both the US version and the UK version have ended up in my list of bookmarks.

Over the years, I have developed a love-hate relationship with MSN. The message boards and comment sections for articles on both sides of the pond tend to attract people on the low end of the human evolutionary scale, and can provide both cheap entertainment and horror all at once. It's no wonder they do, for outside of actual news, they make an art form of fluff, repetition, and contradiction.

The lifestyle, health, and relationship sections of MSN are so shoddily put together, that instead of turning me off completely over the years, they have managed to fascinate me with how bad they are. Forgive my lack of links, but I can only urge you to see for yourself at some point when you are sincerely bored.

One week, a slide show on make up disasters will warn readers that the smoky eye is a horrible idea that ages over thirties and makes under thirties look like tramps. The next week, a different make up slide show will teach the reader how to create the perfect smoky eye at any age, hailing it as a timeless look. I recently ran across a fashion slide show pushing gladiator sandals and oversized sunglasses as a spring must have, and just this week, they were featured in an article about things women wear that men hate.

If you are going to get healthy eating tips from MSN, good luck. The contradictions are rife there as well. Sometimes, avocados are a super food, but other times, they will turn you into Jabba the Hutt. Coffee will kill you, but no, it won't. It goes on.

Worse yet, is that these articles are getting recycled constantly, placed under different headers. I have clicked on a random article on their front page only to dive into a deja vu when I realize that I have read it months before. On top of contradicting themselves at every turn, they do it two and three times over in the space of a few months, presumably because their readers have the attention span of goldfish.

That said, there is one constant on MSN. In nearly every food or health article, the almond is held up as a perfect/super/super healthy food that everyone should be eating every single day. In this, MSN never contradicts itself whether it's the US or UK version. I don't know if MSN has some sort of connection to the almond industry, and quite frankly, I don't care to know though it wouldn't surprise me if they did. I'm just glad that they pretty much nailed one thing right, and have stuck to their guns on the matter. Pretty much every bit of advice MSN will give the reader is in constant flux, but we will always have the Almond Constant.

Oh, MSN, you make me sad for humanity, but somehow, you manage to make me laugh as well, and that's just another one of your crazy contradictions.